I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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