Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
