I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
