just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
