This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
