My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
