You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
