their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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