The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
