he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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