Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
