I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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