Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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