What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
