I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
