Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
