we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Found your dick twin last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize