Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
