your thong is hanging out like whoa
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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