North Korea, Best Korea!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
