i barfeds in our rink
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
