She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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