he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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