Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
