I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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