I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
