been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
