I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want to be your penis for a week.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
