Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
