Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
