shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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