oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
