Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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