Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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