i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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