the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize