His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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