I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
