I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had sex on a roof
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
