you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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