i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
