it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
