I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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