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True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
