He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
