that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
