She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
