it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
