Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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