like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize