I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
