the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
