Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She even gives head with a lisp.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
