i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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