you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
