we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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