i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
