It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
