I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He shit in the fireplace
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize