just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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