I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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