hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
