A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
