Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
