If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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