Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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