she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
