I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
