im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
And then he peed in my hair
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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