ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
