Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
