dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
that's an acceptable place to lick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
