I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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