yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
