we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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