She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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