I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
