Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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