Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
