There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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