how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
